I didn’t have this post planned for today, and let me tell you, veering off the planned path is not something I do often. But I’ve been blogging about Fall Fun this month for the write 31 days challenge and it made me stop and think about living in the moment and embracing the present. I made this goal, that I wanted to experience October to it’s fullest…..get pumpkins, watch movies, go to fall festivals, have a party…….but then the stress starts, will I have time, will it be as great as I hoped, will I be able to budget for it all…..and good grief am I tired. For some reason I didn’t plan that Hoke would start waking at 4:00am this month or that I would just get a whim and want to start running again.
Cary and I have had so much change in our 8 years of marriage. We have lived in 5 different houses (that doesn’t include the 6 months we lived with my parents while gutting our first house) 4 different cities, had more jobs between the 2 of us than I can count, finished his PhD, had a child, got a dog, moved 3 times…..ok now I’m getting tired. But I was thinking the other day how every time we start a project, make a move, buy a house, it’s always “what do we do next, where do we go from here?” and we (well I, Cary seems to just go with the flow) never enjoy the moment we are in.
An example is my time in Florida. I was terrified, ok terrified doesn’t even come close to explaining how I felt, of moving to Florida. It was one of my biggest fears in life, leaving my parents (remember my little post a few weeks ago about making plans?) but there I was, faced with living 13 hours away from my parents and I hated every second of it for the first 3 months. I moped, I cried, I had a real live panic attack, but after living in Florida for almost 3 years, it was 3 of the best years of my life! While living there I did not feel this way, all I did was look for jobs at schools for Cary, dream of being back in NC and constantly book flights home. But I learned more about myself, grew a much stronger marriage and made life long friends in those 3 years.
I guess having a child can make you stop and think, and sometimes just wish time would stand still, how precious every single moment is. There are days I just wish would end, when I am up to my elbows in yogurt and spilled milk, haven’t showered and somehow forgot to wear shoes. There are days I just wish I had 2 minutes to myself, to do absolutely nothing. There are days I am so tired I can barely open my eyes. But I am trying very hard to grab hold of these moments, even the very hard ones, because one day I will long for them again. Just like there are nights I long to have nothing to do but walk to the local wine bar and have a glass of wine with Cary without having to find a sitter, have dinner ready, a baby bathed……just to get up and go, I will long for these days one day, sooner than I expect.
So that is what I want to leave you with today, not the DIY project I had planned. I want to share with you what I am trying to work on for me this month, to embrace the present, not to long for the past or be anxious for the future, but to enjoy and be satisfied with right now!